Searching for the Flashlight

Sometimes it takes a really huge event in one's life to realize how off track things have gotten and correct it.
Sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes it's the day to day events and the accumulation of conversations and homilies and arguments and soul searching that makes one take notice of how far off the path one intended to follow one has strayed.
Writing is supposed to be cathartic for me.  Sharing our lives is supposed to be educational and supportive.  What is the point in sharing unless we share those things that really matter?
I listened to Jeff Cavins CD on "How Love Acts" tonight while driving to and from confession with my pastor.  To say that the CD spoke to my heart would be an understatement.  Jeff Cavins walks through suffering and carrying our crosses in order to unite our suffering with that of Jesus.  I have had numerous conversations with about five different people in the past two months on this very subject.  I cannot seem to remember to just "carry the cross" when the weight is bearing down on me.  Jeff spoke about how love responds to real life.  How does love respond to someone or something that is infringing upon our ideal life?  We do not blame or complain, we embrace it as an opportunity to unite our suffering with Christ's suffering.
What is it that defines the difference between something we endure and offer up and something we have to take action to correct and improve?  Where is the division between acceptable human condition and unacceptable behavior?
 This is my struggle.  The line has blurred for me.  I cannot see where suffering is doing damage to those around me and how that differs from my enduring the suffering.  I suppose that is the difference.  If my behavior is a cross to others then I have to change my behavior.  If my behavior is in response to another's behavior then how do I change my response in a loving and non-judgemental way while at the same time not accepting behavior from them that is damaging or unacceptable?
It all makes sense while listening and in the first hours of the day.  As the day wears on it becomes more difficult to find that line and respond as love does.